we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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