i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
