Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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