a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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