Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
My balls are so social today.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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