I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize