I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
