Whod you bang
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize