I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize