Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
