Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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