hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
my nose is crying tears of wow.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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