ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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