You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
