Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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