You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
