Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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