For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
