And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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