I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
