I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
