I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Brb crying the tears of my youth
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
