I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
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