i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Sober January is a disaster.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
