You really coming over, don't trick.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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