I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
