I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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