oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
