someone get that fucking seahorse.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
