So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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