I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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