Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
