so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
the day after is always just damage control
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
