i can't believe i had my finger in that
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
