The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
