I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
