I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
