Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
