brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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