Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
