I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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