Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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