at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It's blow job season.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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