i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
