why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
