We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
