I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
