I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
