I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
