Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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