Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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