As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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