There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
