I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
