Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
