I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
