So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize