were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize