fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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