What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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