We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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