i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
