At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
