yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
