I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
