I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
