Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
