What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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