you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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