life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
